Thursday, 14 January 2010

How to have half-decent skin. Or not, as the case may be...

I was going to post part 3 of my 'How to have half-decent skin' series today, and I did actually start writing it. And then I stopped. The fact is, I was feeling like a bit of a fraud because today I don't really have half-decent skin at all. In fact, I am seriously contemplating refusing to leave the house or answer the doorbell for several days until a couple of particularly evil erumpent spotules have vamoosed.

I am not even going to dignify this with a caption

Here are a few of the things that go through my head when I spot a spot in the mirror:
1. Gah - gah - gah! I have regressed to pubescent acnedom, but now with the added joy of wrinkles.*
2. My arch-enemy, the evil erumpent pimple, has the power to undo all attempts at beautification through hair, clothes or make up, rendering me abhorrent to the human eye.
3. Those few golden years of half-decent skin were but a fleeting window in a life of unmitigated hideousness.
4. I must henceforth resign myself to a half life of despair, sans friends, admirers or social interaction of any kind.
5. Somebody shoot me now.
Now you may think I am exaggerating for effect. The reality is, I am not. For an allegedly intelligent woman, there is a remarkably large amount of silliness in my train of thought, but I have a sneaking feeling that I'm not alone in this. So I thought I would come up with a few alternative mantras to help me feel marginally better (and, just maybe, you too, dear reader):
1. Perfection is an unattainable fantasy: everyone lacks confidence in their appearance sometimes - even Angelina Jolie.** Why do you think A-listers have all that surgery?
2. You can have half-decent skin AND the odd spot. It is allowed.
3. This time next week the spotules will have vanished. You will still be alive.
4. Staying in and brooding only makes you feel worse. Step away from the mirror and go out dancing. At the very least it will distract you.
5. If your 90-year-old self could pay you a visit from the future, she would say: 'You think you're hideous now? Hell's teeth girl! When will you thirtysomething women realise that you are in your prime! Now pour me another gin.' (Because that is what I will be like when I'm 90, obvs).
This post was inspired by The Glamourous Grad Student, who writes with particular honesty about body confidence today. If you've ever felt the urge to take the battery out of the doorbell because you just can't face another human being (I can't be the only one... can I?), I recommend her post. 

Finally, I could not post today without including a link to the DEC Haiti appeal.

* India Knight calls this the 'teenage granny' look.
** My gold standard for beauty.


  1. Really admire you for confronting the issue and seeing the logical side of things. It can be very difficult sometimes! Great post.

  2. Thanks A. And thanks again for the inspiration x