Thursday, 1 July 2010


Everybody knows that one of the best bits of going on a date is gossiping about it with one's girlfriends afterwards (actually, sometimes this is the best bit, although NOT in this case). After my date on Tuesday, Madame la Moue emailed me saying:

How was your date Madame? What did you wear and is he your boyfriend? Did you snog?


This is what I replied (with a few details redacted to protect anonymity):

Fabulous date Madame. He drove us up in his lovely car and parked in a little mews near where he used to live in Kensington. We went for a glass of wine, then a Moroccan meal here. LOOK HOW GORGEOUS MRS:

Then on to the Albert Hall [to see Jackson Browne - one of my all time music GODS] JB was AMAZING.

Then we went to see a friend of his who lives in Notting Hill Gate and is a [potentially recognisable job redacted]. This was v bizarre and bohemian. He opened the door wearing only his pants and said 'come in, come in, we're all crying in here.' So we went in and he was watching a documentary on Diana Athill with his Norwegian girlfriend in their underwear and they were both weeping.

But the HOUSE Mrs. It was huge and bohemian and full of paintings of transvestites and artfully arranged FETISH EQUIPMENT. It was only when the programme finished that I realised that the four black candles on top of the telly with plastic roses around them WEREN'T CANDLES.

As well as being a [insert responsible job here] he is a transvestite and plays in this band:

Then we came back here and played Trivial Pursuit till 4am. The children's version. From 1984. I couldn't actually read this question out loud because I was laughing so much - it is the funniest question I have EVER heard. It is a science and nature question:

'Do gorillas sometimes ride on elephants to travel through the jungle?'


Another thing I like about [name redacted]: he says notes instead of pounds, e.g. (imagine in posh voice) 'It was only a hundred notes.'


This is what MLM replied:

Oh my God I hope the answer was yes.  If they don't they should. [Gorillas]

Your date sounds amazing albeit insane.  Do you love the bohemianess of it? I bet you fitted right in. Would you have to have bizarre sex with [name redacted] do you think?  HAVE YOU in fact????????????????????

That restaurant is utterly you. How did he know?

Gosh this is all so exciting. I can so imagine the 100 notes voice - v attractive I agree.

Does he also say as a matter of fact? e.g 'yes it does as a matter of fact.'


Tonight I am going out with Sara and Julie for our regular blubfest. There may not be blubbing on my part, but there WILL BE GOSSIP...

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