Have just had a facial (no haven't won lottery, had a voucher). It was wonderful, especially the head massage part of it. She actually held my head in one hand - so relaxing having your head supported- and kind of cupped my ear in her other hand, as though her hand were a shell, and then gently pinched all around the edge of my earlobe (with the hand that was cupping the ear that is, she didn't have three hands or anything). Odd feeling, but wonderful. She then did some fabulous head massagey stuff and smeared loads of different goops all over my face.
The only thing that marred this wonderfulness was that at the beginning of the treatment she asked me why I was having a facial; what were my 'problem areas.' Well, as I was only having the facial because I had a voucher I did not really have a reason in mind and didn't really feel I could say, 'um...cuz it's free?' So I just mumbled something about dry skin/thorough cleanse AND THEN - here comes the horrifying bit - she said, '....hmm you have very bad dark circles under our eyes, do you drink much water?' The thing is I drink LOADS of water. I practically drown in the stuff every day. So I told her that and then she said,' well I imagine you must have had a few late or sleepness nights recently then,' NOOOOO!!!! I haven't. I have been stress free and sleeping like a baby -the full eight hours a night - for weeks. So then she said, 'hmm well in that case I can't explain it, it is probably a sign that one of your internal organs isn't working properly.' WTF!!!!!! Is she some sort of shaman or what? She is beauty therapist for f**k's sake.
So having dwelt on this news about my ghoulish eyebags throughout the treatment (as if I really need a new complex about my body to fixate on) I thought I would just clarify with the shamen what she actually meant - just in the vain hope I had misheard or something. So I said to her whilst indicating the shadow under my eye, 'is it just this little bit that is bad?' to which she replied, 'yes, there and also here and here, yes it is usually a symptom of dehydration so I don't know what it can be in your case.'
F***K I LOOK LIKE UNCLE FESTER! GET ME A TOUCHE ECLAT IMMEDIATEMENT!!!!!!!
Cockatrice is in love.