Saturday, 14 August 2010

Golden Fleeced

Madame la Moue writes:

This morning I spent £47.50 on hair products.  Seem excessive?  Let me explain.
For the past few weeks my hair has been breaking off in chunks.  For this I blame the stupidly expensive hairdresser whose name almost rhymes with Toffee Sorbet.  I went in there for advice on my hair colour and ended up with a 12 year old (it seemed) boy plastering bleach to my scalp.  Having suffered excruciating scalp burn for an interminable 50 minutes with only HEAT as distraction, Little Boy washed it off.  As he did so, I noticed a significant change to his formerly over confident demeanour - and pallor.  He was ashen, the colour, ironically, that my roots should have been.  He reminded me of how my own little boy looks when he has done he shouldn’t have – shifty, I think, would sum it up.  

It turned out my roots were not the desired ash blonde but a rather drab shade of orange.  NOT GOOD.  This is what the hairdressing world calls a BIG *FUCK* UP.  Well they might not call it this, but if they don’t they should.  However, such was the pain of my scalp and the boredom of being in that Godforsaken hairdressers, I paid up like a fool. £60 BTW even though I could actually see another ‘stylist’ gesticulating to Little Boy that the bleach should have been left on for longer.  They noticed me noticing them and both had the good grace to blush.  
Little Boy kept saying, whilst simultaneously chivvying me out of the door, ‘if you have any problems do come back to me’.  We both knew what he was getting at.  I did not go back, I couldn’t face it, and as I said my hair orange and white striped hair has been breaking off in chunks ever since.  

So anyway this morning having brushed out several handfuls of hair and unable to bear the thought that I might have to go for a pixie crop (although actually thinking about it Brix Smith-Start works the blonde pixie crop quite well), I went into a different hairdressers for advice.  After lengthy discussion with another little boy- this one had such a huge hole in his ear I could actually see daylight though it, and I mean A LOT of daylight - I bought the said expensive products for the said exorbitant amount.  I know.  This is most of my holiday spending money – mah, who am I kidding? I don’t have holiday money I just have debt.   

Anyway interwebnet, the question is have I been fleeced or will my hair become smooth and silky in the style of the woman on that classic 80s Timotei ad?  (This reference to a TV ad won’t mean anything to Cockatrice, who sadly was brought up in a shed in Wales with no electricity or telly, only candles and books – poor thing.)


  1. Oh no, sounds awful! I'd take a long look at the ingredient lists on the items you bought. My guess is that they probably contain harsh chemicals like SLS that will potentially irritate your poor scalp even more! Call me cynical, but I think the second hairdresser may not have been a glowing source of impartial advice, since he quite possibly gets commission for selling you the range stocked in the salon.

  2. Poor MLM, but as I said, I think the short bits actually give you a rather glamourous bouffant-esque look.

    Btw, do you remember that you asked if you could swear on the blog and I said only if you use asterisks? I meant INSTEAD OF the expletive, not AROUND IT, you simpleton... xxx

  3. hahahahahaha that is hilarious re asterisks!!!! I am f*****g simpleton with broken hair. You could have taken it off before you pasted it though!

  4. oh poor you, I read this only now but I did see you yesterday and either I was blinded by the sun or your hair did not look scary at all! then again I am not a style queen when I have three monkeys climbing all over me pouring ice cream on my (f***) new linen trousers! I just hope your scalp does not hurt anymore. The hair will grow. xx