Friday, 24 December 2010

Merry Christmas!

Today I decorated my Mum's Christmas cake:

I made the roses out of ready-made icing rolled out and squidged into spirals, then poured some silver balls over it to make it a bit more jazzy...

I know: am artistic and domestic-science genius - you don't need to tell me (but don't let me stop you if you really want to). I am available for weddings, christenings and bar mitzvahs.

In background: snowy garden and barn. Brrrrr... Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, 21 December 2010

Tips on how to get your car through its MOT

Madame la Moue writes:

This is a short post with two purposes. Firstly so I can try to show this grey dress in a more positive light and secondly so I can share with you tips on how to get your car to pass its MOT. Since I swished this dress last Sunday I haven't worn anything else. It is SO cosy, perfect for this weather. It is like wearing a winceyette nightie all the time. I am wearing it here over swished leggings and swished beaded vest top, the modern day equivalent of thermal underwear. Warm as toast! On top I am wearing my GORGEOUS new cardi courtesy of the Red Cross charity shop in Lewes. (By the way there are some fabulous pink sequinned shoes in there that Mrs Maloo thought I should buy - why? Am not a drag queen, or is she trying to tell me something?) Actually she thinks we should start wearing full over the top evening dress to all our swishes. Yeah OK Mrs, we'll think about that one, do some brainstorming and then make an executive decision.

You cannot really tell from this fuzzy photo taken by Spoddy but the cardi has lovely polka dots on it. F & F would you believe? Tesco is so stylish these days.

So anyway regarding the MOT. My car's MOT is always due at Christmas when we are most skint. So yesterday before I took it to the garage the other half suggested I use my feminine wiles to try to get it to pass. Now I would not usually go along with such ideas but in these most difficult financial times I took a deep breath and went for it. I wore this dress and my most cleavage enhancing bra and leaving my coat open (despite the sub zeros temps) I sashayed up to the garage and engaged in some mild flirting with the nice MOT fella. And would you believe it THE CAR PASSED!!!!! It has NEVER EVER passed it's MOT in all the 7 years we have had it. Three cheers the LK Bennett dress!

Sunday, 19 December 2010

Swishing in the snow

Today Madame la Moue and I went to a swish at the New Venture Theatre in Brighton. It was a quieter affair than we had expected - probably because Sussex is currently buried under a large ice-rink - however we still managed to do exceedingly well despite (or perhaps because of?) this. Here is a selection of the loot we walked away with:

Madame la Moue wears: tunic, Monsoon and stilettos, ASOS, from today's swish; jeans, necklace and bracelet, from previous swishes; oversized clutch from Loved, Worn and Reborn.

I wear: dress: Monsoon, from today's swish; all other items, model's own. I think of this as my Boden/Cath Kidston-esque look, ideal for doing a spot of light weeding while you wait for the gardener to turn up.

MLM wears: purple-and-white-striped shirt, Next, from today's swish; all other items as before. Spoddy's outfit: model's own. I ADORE this picture. I should be a portrait photographer - am clearly artistic genius.

MLM wears: dress, L.K. Bennett, from today's swish; hat and gloves, mine (Why MLM??? This is NOT a good look), all other items as before.

Find of the day: this amazing Hermes wallet in its original box! I KNOW. We couldn't believe it either! Swishing: what's not to love? No seriously, what?

Saturday, 18 December 2010


Actually, I forgot, I DID take a few photos at the swish on Sunday, but only AFTER we had repaired to the bar for a post-swish debrief. Needless to say, we were a *little* the worse for wear by this point. Well, Madame la Moue was anyway. I was actually intending to drive home, however my poor 12-year-old, £150 Clio, Nicole, had other plans. The freezing weather didn't suit her delicate French temperament and we ended up having to walk home.

But I digress. As I say, I did take a couple of snaps. This should give you an idea of their general tone:

Madame la Moue: she may be a frightful lush, but at least her roots are done. And she no longer sports a Rick-Wakeman-esque mullet. Which is the main thing.

N.B. MLM is simply laughing here (albeit with her head on the table). I felt I should point this out as MM has just said: 'She's not being sick into her hand, is she?' No, she is not. She is far too classy for that.

Friday, 17 December 2010

The thrill of the swish

Our Christmas swish at Pelham House in Lewes went amazingly well, with around twice as many swishettes as our last one in Brighton. You'll have to take my word for that though, as Madame la Moue and I FORGOT TO TAKE ANY PHOTOGRAPHS. BECAUSE WE ARE IDIOTS.

Idiots who were extremely busy, it must be said: Madame la Moue was physically holding back scores of swishtini-cocktail-crazed women, high on the heady vapours of the free clothes macerating beyond the closed doors behind her...

...meanwhile, I was in the next room with our super-fabulous My Swish team, who worked like Trojans-on-benzedrine-washed-down-with-triple-espressos to get the clothes graded, tagged and hung within the hour. Poor Charlie actually turned white with the effort of getting through OVER 500 ITEMS OF CLOTHING IN 60 MINUTES!!

When the swish opened (a mere 10 minutes late, miraculously), women actually ran - ran! I kid you not - past the cordons and up the steps towards the clothes. I virtually had to hurl myself out of the way to avoid being trampled in the rush.

As Mrs H pointed out, however, this is the buzz of swishing. It's all about being part of an event - in the thick of the camaraderie with the potential of securing untold fashion treasure if you can only hold your nerve and maintain the keenest eye, the swiftest hand and the most mongoose-like cunning under the toughest conditions this side of Basra. If you can do all this, you'll be a man, my son. Or something...

Ah, that little rallying cry has filled me with an Agincourt-like zeal to be back in the fray again. Fortunately the New Venture Theatre in Brighton is holding a clothes swap this Sunday and the My Swish team will be there in force. Once more unto the breach, dear friends!

Saturday, 11 December 2010

On why fashion is my life and swishing is the way forward

Madame la Moue writes:

This evening Leila, Nadia and I went to a swish. Having stumbled across the event some weeks ago on Facebook we decided we must attend, not only to check out our competition but also because as swish organisers we realised we don't get to do any actual swishing ourselves anymore. We needed a swish fix. 

Not knowing what to expect, we were delighted with what we found. The organisers, Sussex War on Want, were running the event in a corner of Hector's House pub in Brighton. The clothes were displayed on rails and tables and rather cleverly, we thought, pegged on clothes lines. Why didn't we think of that? (We may well borrow this idea for our own events...)

Leila and I arrived first, paid the very reasonable entrance fee, placed a load of our flyers for our next swish on the front desk (ever the opportunist business women) and hotfooted it to the tables. We were not disappointed.

I immediately snagged a gorgeous grey Topshop sweater dress with pockets:

...and soon afterwards found a pair of Topshop Baxter jeans in my size. Leila, meanwhile, had found a divine Radley leather bag and I found her an amazing Primark black mac (which by coincidence Therese la Tease also has). Moving on I found a soft as butter black leather biker jacket (I know!!).

From the other side of the table Leila had snaffled a pair of gorgeous leather boots for me:

Whilst I was deciding on a pale denim shirt/dress which Leila thought was fashion-forward and Nadia thought would be good for doing the decorating in...

...Leila came up trumps again for me by finding a wagtastic sparkling peacock feather t-shirt:

My lucky day! A leopard print, sequinned bag appealed to my inner wag and topped the lot. I was officially in heaven.

If you are in need of a swish fix our next event is THIS SUNDAY!!!! Pelham House in Lewes, 3pm, book online to ensure you get a goody bag brimming with fabulous treats including a £10 voucher for Pelham House restaurant and Dermalogica goodies.

*you may notice my photos are fairly harshly cropped, this is because I am officially the least photogenic person IN THE WORLD. It's the truth.

Thursday, 9 December 2010

Deer oh deer

After we spotted the Orangina deer-in-bikini aberration, MM and I couldn't resist going online to have a look at their French TV ads. And goodness me, were we glad we did... This is the first one we saw:

Even better, in my opinion, is this one. I think it's the way the afghan flashes her teeth with such a winning smile:

Best by far, however, has to be the Panda with, *ahem,* intimate hygiene requirements:

Hilarious, disgusting or just plain surreal? What do you think?

Wednesday, 8 December 2010

What I wore: Paris

This is what I was wearing this morning outside the petit appartement MM and I stayed in in Paris:

Camel coat: Zara, £15 from a garage sale; Peacock feather-print scarf: Liberty, £3.99 from Oxfam; Boots: last year's Office; Bag: £16 from vintage fair; Hat: a present from MM, 5 Euros from a vintage shop in the Marais (LOVE LOVE LOVE this new chapeau).

Friday, 3 December 2010

A report from your Paris correspondent

Here are some of the things MM and I have seen in Paris. They're a rum lot, these Frenchies, is all I can say:

Tree of shoes

Advertisement for Orangina on bar window, featuring deer in underwear



 Me on telly

Yoda foetus

Galeries Lafayette all lit up like Notre Dame

A modest Christmas tree inside Galeries Lafayette

I'm afraid we'll have to wait for our appearance in the Daily Mirror (or as Madame la Moue and I are calling it, Plan for World Domination: Step 1). We will be in print at some point, but MLM will have to tell you about it as I am in Gai Paree. I texted her to ask whether she had been checking the Mirror, but all she replied was 'Yes, I check it regularly. Am still stunning...'